Top 10 Magic: The Gathering Sets of the Decade

As we prepare to enter a new decade, it is only fitting that we glance back at all of Magic's great achievements over the last ten years. Here is a brief look back at the shining stars that have made this game endure.

10. Odyssey

Odyssey gave us what we finally wanted. Squirrels. Squirrels Squirrels Squirrels Squirrels. Squirrels proved a very successful and popular decktype, reshaping the landscape of Green for years to come. In further expansions, we saw cards like Morphing Squirrel, Myr Squirrel, Patron Oni Squirrel, Squirrel of the Guildpact, Planar Squirrel, Gilt-Leaf Squirrel, and Squirrel of Alara. It is even rumored that the mysterious hedrons of Zendikar are filled with- you guessed it- loads and loads of squirrels!

9. Nemesis

One word: Fading. Fading is the best mechanic the game has ever seen, even though it sounds dangerously like "Phasing." Here's how it works:

Creature XX

Fading 3 (This creature comes into play with 3 fading counters on it. At the end of your turn check to see how many counters are on it. Wait, that's not right. At the beginning of your upkeep, or just during your upkeep, or sometime during your turn if you forget, remove a fading counter from this creature. If you run out of fading counters, don't get stressed. Wait. Yes, actually that's bad. When you run out of fading counters, sacrifice the permanent. Right now. Or just sometime.)

8. Mirrodin

Wizards wanted to be tricky with this one. They realized there was only one chance to have an artifact set in extended at the same time as Urza's Block, kekekekeke! So why not unleash a whole new slew of format-shattering artifacts so that Tolarian Academy can become even more of a win-mill than before? They also came up with this clever keyword:

Affinity- As long as you're playing an artifact deck, don't worry about tapping any lands to cast your spells. Even if they cost 11.

7. Coldsnap (snow lands luls!)

Oh what the fuck where the fuck Magic Hell did this set come from!? 

6. Kamigawa Block

Who wouldn't want a 2/3 flying moth sentry dude for 6 mana? After all, they burble! How cute! The cool art on these cards should distract the players from the mana costs. 

5. M10

Fucknuts! "Let's go all out, it's time to ruin the game forever again. But this time, it's going to be in a core set! They won't see that coming!" 

Serra Sucks Now Angel 3WW

Flying, Too Many Other Abilities

5/5

In case you're wondering, you're lucky to find a Baneslayer Angel for less than the cost of your auto insurance payment. In addition, they decided to flavorfully rename everything. Play is now called "the Battlefield," Removed from Game is now "Exiled," Hand is now called "Idea thoughts Zone," Library is now called "Spells you intend to acquire soon Zone,"  and the graveyard is now called "Recently expired spells Zone." Great work!

4. Time Spiral

 How do you ensure a set will be popular? Take everything that has gone well and mix it into one giant bowl. This will also entice new players, who will have no problem figuring out what a creature with Flying, Phasing, Poisonous 2, Suspend 1U, Transmute 1UU, and Dredge 4 does.

3. Legions

All creatures you control are now creatures. No, seriously. Players love creatures. Why not make a set that is all creatures? You know what, players also love basic land. So why not make a set that is entirely basic land? Wizards dodged the bullet on this one, realizing it would probably be a bad idea to make every card in Zendikar a basic land, despite the overwhelmingly positive reaction to having to shove the square peg into the round hole by somehow having to manage to playing instants as creatures. But all this didn't stop them from their clever idea that makes number 2...

2. Alara Reborn

All spells you play are now gold. No, seriously. Players love gold cards. Why not make a set that is all gold? Alara Reborn did something bold here. It declared that one-drops don't really matter. On that note, basic land doesn't really matter either. Or casual fridays. Or running water. Or oxygen. Hey, you've got gold!

1. Prophecy

Prophecy revolutionized Magic in many ways. The sheer power of this set led to many tournament players being simply unwilling to use any of its cards in sanctioned play, ever. Wizards R&D were slapping their foreheads when players found it all too easy to play spells and abilities that could be countered by 1 colorless mana, when their opponents simply chose not to. Prophecy is grandly revered, and led to a long combo winter where players were not allowed to use cards like Rhystic Cave and Sunken Field. Basic land became far more interesting. For example:

Island

Tap: Add U to your mana pool unless an opponent pays 1.

Prophecy is the pinnacle of overpowered magic sets, bumping out the old "Power 9" list and ushering in a new "Power 143." Congrats, Prophecy.

Hakim Loreweaver Exclusive Interview: Hanna, Ship's Navigator

HAKIM- Welcome back, everyone! Today we have a very very special guest with us! A key figure in the ongoing war on Phyrexia, Hanna has taken some time away from her duties to speak with us. Hanna, it's been a few years. How's the plague treating you?

HANNA- Good, I guess. [cough]

HAKIM- How's the crew, has the ship been holding up okay?

HANNA- Yes; it has not crashed or been captured in 59 days, so it's been doing well. [cough] Hopefully it won't happen again.

HAKIM- Well, can't you just give the ship shroud?

HANNA- What?

HAKIM- Hanna's custody, gives your artifacts shroud.

HANNA- Oh. Well you do realize there's a difference between the cards and real life?

HAKIM- Well, yes, to some extent I suppose that's true. I don't want to say that you are less capable than the cards portray you to be.

HANNA- I can fix just about anything. [cough]

HAKIM- Yes, I'm sure. Speaking of fixing things, when was the last time you spoke with your father?

HANNA- Since we picked up Ertai at the school.

HAKIM- What did he tell you?

HANNA- That Crovax and Starke are a bad influence and I shouldn't be galavanting with furries.

HAKIM- Do you think he just misses you?

HANNA- Yeah, I think so. I think he mostly worries that my interest in artifice will cause me to wind up in a similar position Urza is in. [cough]

HAKIM- Let's be real here. Even if there were a continent left unmarred by the invasion, I hardly think you're capable of the scale of destruction Urza is infamous for.

HANNA- Well I do appear in the art or flavor text of most of the overpowered and combo cards from Tempest block. By your logic, I could practically do whatever I want. [cough]

HAKIM- Hmm, that's a good point. How has your mother's death affected you?

HANNA- WHAT!! [cough] [wheeze]

HAKIM- Your mother, she was killed at the end of Prophecy.

HANNA- [cough][cough][wheeze][cough]

HAKIM- Hanna, are you okay?

HANNA- [gurble]

HAKIM- Hanna?

HANNA- 

HAKIM- ....

HANNA- 

HAKIM- Coming up, folks! We have a preview of an unnamed card from the upcoming Invasion expansion, a black sorcery that allows you to return a card from your graveyard AND draw a card! Nifty!

Legends

Chandra A' Bakin' Cookies

Harmonix Announces Rock Band: Crovax

DOMINARIA- The long awaited announcement of the next Rock Band installation was made Monday morning, the game to be headlined by heavy metal shock-rocker and Evincar of Rath, Crovax. The game follows the smash success of the Chainer edition earlier this year, which featured grunge and techno tracks and impressive stage visuals that included Chainer getting whipped in an arena battle, and violently mutating into a bubbling, bulging, seething mass of flesh after the final song. The Crovax version will have similarly inventive effects including beheadings of well-known Rathi villains with his WarBeast guitar, and many sorts of angel-slaying madness before backdrops like Volrath's Stronghold and Overgrown Estate.

Crovax has covered a number of popular metal songs across his career, including "School's Out," "Blood Ocean," and "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight," all of which will appear as playable tracks in the game.

Belbe, Ertai, and Greven round out the rest of the band's playable characters.

Broodstar Annihilates Some More Random Crap

MIRRODIN- "Bzeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeee-owuahowuah-ZIP ZIP ZIP byooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop ZAM ZAM EE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- pew pew pew"

"VvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.

Poa poa poa POA MYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERP ZOCK.

zocka zocka zocka zock zockzockzockzockzock pfffffffffffffffffvvvvvvvrrrrvvrvvrvrvrvrvrvrvrrvrvr kakakakakakaakakkkkkkkkkkkkrrrrrrtttrrttrtrtrtrrtr

PPPPHAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAaAaAaAaAaANNNGGGG!!!

Boooooooo. Booooooo.. Booooaaaaaaaah. BOOOAAAAAAAAAOOOA OOOH AAAAAAAH OOOOAAAAAH PO! PO! PO! ZAGGGGRAAAGGGGRAAAAGGGGR GGRRAAAGGH RRAAGH UUAAAH UUUUAAAHHH BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN PLOOOGGG GOOOOOORAAAAAAA PEW PEW GORF BAAP BAAAAAP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD SSSSSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Michiko Konda Will Stop At Nothing To Be Abducted

EIGANJO CASTLE- Lord Konda was left once again pondering his daughter's whereabouts monday morning when it was discovered that the immense weight of the guilt placed on her by her father's embarrassingly self-destructive rule had moved her to request another kidnapping at the hands of handsome outlaw Toshiro Umezawa. 

"I don't know why she must always be the kidnapped! Her cell very nice!" Lord Konda angrily weighed in, referring to her imprisonment at his hands. Lord Konda's popularity dropped sharply twenty years ago after he sacrificed the peace, welfare, and happiness of his kingdom for 'total power,' though over what remains to be seen, and news that Michiko is galavanting with the rogue Umezawa has further marred his reputation. Masako refused to comment, requesting not to appear on any humor blogs. Takeno chortled when asked when Michiko might return.

"I just want to be freeeeeeeeeeeee as the wind blows!" Michiko then sang, gliding by on a giant moth. 

Lord Yawgmoth's New Bakery Talk of the Town

BENALIA- The powerful Phyrexian overlord took matters into his own hands Saturday morning after growing tired of his Inner Circle's centuries of failures in killing Urza Planeswalker, and hosted a bake sale to commemorate the new cookie-making establishment called "Rebbec's Tasty Treats." The cookies are embedded with tracking devices that the Lord hopes will map out a pattern to lead him to the planeswalker, using cookie cutters in the likeness of people close to him such as Ratepe, Tawnos, Radiant Archangel (extra crispy), Jhoira, Teferi, and Rayne in an attempt to draw in acquaintences of Urza, although the Rayne cookies' heads kept breaking off. Business has been successful, if not somewhat one-sided.

"I like to chomp chomp chomp the Barrin cookies. Sweet, sweet revenge." A negator rattled.

"These Xantcha cookies are so tasty. No crumb can go to waste!" A sleeper agent savored, scooping up all the grains off of her cloak. 

It has been confirmed that a few human patrons have stopped in at the shop, but none could vouch for the quality of the cookies as black oil bled out of their eyes and mouth until they died.

Mark Rosewater: Master Decoy is "Totally Gay"

WIZARDS- Next week is Gay Pride week on www.magicthegathering.com, and the web is abuzz with rumors of what the week's site content will yield. Some say to expect an announcement of two 5-color "rainbow" duel decks "Gays  vs. Lesbians" featuring cards like Phelddagrif, Chandler, Clergy en-Vec, Rod of Spanking, and Coumbajj Witches to help support the theme of totally gay imagery. Players then speculated which mechanics would make it in, and began deliberating over which were gay enough to merit inclusion. Contributors decided Banding, Poison, and Phasing were "so gay" and that Horsemanship should be included to balance it out, and give the decks more of a Daniel Radcliffe feel. Ever teasing, Mark Rosewater enticed followers with a simple clue, by exclaiming, "Hey guys, playtesting these new decks I can't talk about. Master Decoy is Totally Gay." The statement piqued the rumor mill's curiosity, with players firmly deciding he must have been referring to the original Tempest artwork, which is a Foglion and depicts a man riding a zebra through a purple field. Nothing similar would appear on more recent Magic cards, after the sweeping "Less Silly Art" policy was put into place during 7th edition.

An insider says we are likely to get a peek at the first gay planeswalker in the near future.

Public: Is Jace Beleren Too Much of a Celebrity?

 

 

RAVNICA - Whilst bumming around the city of guilds, Jace Beleren took the opportunity for yet another photo-op, posing for what will likely be a fifth alternate artwork for his card in two years. "He's dropping out of books, all over magazines, everywhere in card games, and even on the internet. He has a duty as a planeswalker, but he seems too caught up in the fame, which is distracting and unfair to those who support him, and especially to those who have to put up with him." Griped a dauntless dourbark. 

"The bradywalkers all just think it's a big game. Gone are the days where you had to work hard to get recognized at all, toiling away at clever phrases that might make flavor text. Now you can just take up some poncey pose and BAM, you have your own card. Eight or ten copies, too, for whenever a new promotional strikes Wizards' fancy." Comedienne Jaya Ballard raved, who has not been seen since the mending of the rifts. Despite this outcry, Jace says he is unfazed and continues to use his signature pout when appearing at important events or performing spellcasting.

Jace is rumored to be posing nude in an upcoming Playgirl spread, dubbed "Fact or Fiction." 

Chainer Named Winner of Otaria's Got Talent 4305 A.R.

CABAL CITY- After a stunning display last weekend, voters have named Chainer the latest winner of Otaria's Got Talent, earning him a performance before the goddess Karona in the coming weeks. Chainer's unique and terrifying dementia summoning bedazzled and terrified human and dwarven spectators alike, leading to rave responses. He successfully won over a tough jugding panel week after week, consisting of Krosan protector Seton, Empress Llawan, and the Cabal Patriarch. "I was disinclined to vote for him because of Cabal's barbaric ways, but the nightmares he summoned just outclass my horse's ass archery any day. As a centaur, my species' stereotypical archetype defines that I am stern but noble and respecting of others after displays of eptitude, so I could not vote against him. I could not vote against anyone." Seton conceded. "Glub glub glib glub blorp." Llawan added. 

The Patriarch sent the remaining runners up to the death pits in order to procure more black mana.

Hakim Loreweaver Exclusive Interview: Multani, Maro-Sorcerer

Hakim: Hello everyone. We have a very special guest for you today. Please welcome the one, the only, Multani, Maro-Sorcerer!

[applause]

Hakim: Good to see you, Multani. How was the trip? How did you even get here, I can't imagine your big barkey legs fit too well on an air liner.

Multani: Pollen seeds.

Hakim: Pollen seeds.

Multani: Yes- [pausing] Yes. And then I took form from a tree. 

Hakim: [laughing] You did! Where? 

Multani: There's a quaint old neighborhood a few blocks south, very well wooded. So I picked a yard and uprooted myself from there. 

Hakim: What about the residents? When they come home and their tree is gone! Or were they home?

Multani: There was a woman inside the house screaming her head off.

Hakim: Why not go with a tree from a public area, like a state park? They have nice big oaks, all over.

Multani: Too much dog pee. And oaks feel all nutty.

Hakim: Have you ever found yourself carrying a bird's nest? I mean, would that be embarrassing?

Multani: I am aware of all life within and without, so no, that has never happened.

Hakim: Favorite movie?

Multani: Evil Dead.

Hakim: That was a quick answer. Might I ask why?

Multani: I always support films about empowered forests. I usually only watch the one scene though, I watch that scene a few times and then I put in The Two Towers and giggle at the ent-speak and how nobody else knows what they're really saying.

Hakim: The tree rape scene? 

Multani: I prefer the term "Yavimaya Embrace."

Hakim: Have you ever thought about settling down? Any romance on the front?

Multani: I don't understand.

Hakim: You know, a personal relationship. For the purpose of procreation.

Multani: Tree intercourse is not like mammal intercourse. It's even more boring than fish intercourse. You can't even really call it that. 

Hakim: There's something we've been picking our brains at for a long time, how does a forest gain sentience?

Multani: It takes hundreds of thousands of years, and is very rare. That makes the storyline more interesting. That's why The Lord of the Rings is so interesting, is because all the species are either almost extinct, recently extinct, or on the verge of total annihilation. 

Hakim: Argoth was totally annihilated. Obviously you have had some hard feelings about that, based on those photos of Urza being tortured for years that leaked onto the internet.

Multani: Yes, well, Titania was a brave being. Yavimaya aches for her, but Urza and I have settled our differences and are working together against the Phyrexians.

Hakim: You gave him a gift.

Multani: Yes, well, that boat is a bad motherfucker.

Phyrexian Inner Circle Throws Surprise Birthday Party

RATH-The first evincar of the gateway plane received a shocking surprise Thursday morning when the secretive inner circle under Yawgmoth's council threw him a birthday party. Festivities included a feast of flesh and a carnival of souls, followed by drunken ravings about their named foe Urza Planeswalker. "Nobody ever cares when it's my birthday. Usually I dine alone!" The evincar rejoiced, despite reportedly being entirely unconvinced that the event wasn't somehow a trap. 

"Not every day can be about forced subordination and cutthroat politics." Circle member Craog pointed out with a tongue in cheek. Among the gifts Davvol received were ill gotten gains, a mana leech, several Phyrexian broodlings, bottled scent of nightshade, a coupon for a minor compleation procedure, and some caltrops.

Davvol was led to his death upon the end of the night.

Wisconsin Responds to Outcry, Bans Clone

EARTH- A mayor of a Wisconsin town has opted to ban the card "Clone" from Magic: The Gathering play in city limits after a teacher submitted the recommendation, proposing it promotes stem cell research and human cloning, an issue Wisconsin state voted down in recent years. "I feel like we're making progress." The teacher said. "I don't usually mind if the kids play Magic during lunch, but when I saw them broaching the topic of cloning, I decided to inquire. The source of the discussion was a card that depicts two identical men looking surprised and despaired in the artwork. I couldn't believe it. What's next, a "Gay Marriage" card? I had to explain to them why cloning was wrong, and that they shouldn't earn the upper hand in a game, or in life, by unethical means." All copies of the card must remain in closed containers or risk confiscation, the mayor decreed, and locals say the measure is gaining ground. "It has already spread to two other townships, who are considering outlawing the game altogether for it's promotion of demonic values." said Kathy, a baby-toting mother of three. "It just makes sense."

A similar ban of "Balance" passed in Florida last year after it was argued the card is a misrepresentation of the judicial system.

Desolation Angel Files Grievence, Cites Sexual Harassment

URBORG- Gamestaller Desolation Angel filed a harassment report Friday morning after experiencing more inappropriate touching from a spectral evincar, a habit that she says is creating a hostile work environment. She demonstrated how he would tenderly run the back of his forefinger along her jawline. "Each time he promises it's the last time. I don't know what he sees. My bosom is a barren, desolate place, there is nothing to be desired, not even if you pay the kicker cost." She said, dismayed, proceeding to blow up an island. 

Lord Yawgmoth dismissed the claim, sternly telling her she should not dress in such an immodest and unbecoming manner. "The low-cut armor dressing and vulture headpiece are clearly articles of clothing that suggest invitation." The Lord stated. "Crovax still has the needs of men. She's the only one currently around who can fulfill his fetish for white/black-aligned angels." The Divine One elaborated. "There are only a handful in all of magic."

The dismissal could not be contested as Lord Yawgmoth had then become a giant purple cloud of death.

Jhoira Unhappy About Court Date, Puts 4 Time Counters On It

TOLARIA- Time tinkerer Jhoira has expressed disinterest in a recent jury summons by giving the case suspend, effectively putting off the date until a future time. "It's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I don't have time!" The Ghitu native said with a sly grin. When asked why she could not have simply appealed the jury duty summons, her response was flippant. "Here on Tolaria, we believe in solving problems by taking the most disastrous route possible. If we can jostle the fabric of time, why shouldn't we?" Jhoira remarked that isolation on the island for ten years after a deadly temporal disaster ravaged the mysterious academy gave her a sense of expertise about the dangers of manipulating time. Even still, she continued to addle with a gaping rift. "I'm very excited next week to see how Teferi's phasing experiments have come along!" She added. The remainder of the interview was cut short when a reporter was intercepted by a super fast time bubble, allowing him to spawn ten generations of descendants before they were killed by a Phyrexian Negator.

Shahrazad

Wrath of God Absent; Atheism on the Rise

THE MULTIVERSE- M10 marks the first core set of Magic: The Gathering in which the creature hoser "Wrath of God" does not appear, as part of a stratagem to remove fictional beings from appearing in the game. The lack of awesome presence has caused many to begin to doubt the existence of a supreme being. "Nothing like hundreds of screaming bodies flying up into a whirling, parted sky vortex to reinforce your faith in God. Without that, the people are directionless." A Veteran Swordsmith lamented.

Religious leaders have not appeared prominently in the game since The Dark and Homelands, which might help explain God's long waning interest in the game, leading to His ultimate exclusion.

"How are we supposed to read into a planar cleansing?" One historian writes. "There's nothing remarkable about it other than the complete removal of nonland life, an act likely perpetrated by the dragon planeswalker. We need the Wrath of God to keep white strong, it's already the most unimaginative color on the pie." He added, standing before a wavering Wall of Faith.

God could not be reached for comment.

Floral Spuzzem Has Yet to Choose Target

EARTH- It has now been 15 years since a beginning Magic: The Gathering player's Floral Spuzzem attacked and went unblocked, and it has been learned that the creature has still not chosen an artifact to destroy. 

"I think it should get rid of the Bronze Horse. That seems to me to be the biggest threat." The presiding judge collected, patiently monitoring the match. "But it could surprise us with a decision to get rid of a black mana battery. This guy has two out after all." When asked if the players miss the outside world, they simply shrugged and divulged that they have been able to complete schooling as normal and even go on occasional dates, but have never left the game for more than three hours, lest they miss the Spuzzem's ultimately not so crucial decision. Visitors frequently ask what the hold up is, until they discover the Spuzzem has a lot of factors to consider. 

Meanwhile, Stangg is still looking for his twin.

Serra Insists Homelands Is Not Crappy Expansion

ULGROTHA- Serra, the angelic planeswalker herself, made a rare public appearance to make a case for the long-maligned Magic expansion, Homelands, Friday morning. With advocates, avatars, angels, heralds, avengers, inquisitors, liturgies, sphinxes, paladins, and zealots at her disposal, she rarely has need to make an in-person statement, especially one not in an Urza-related flashback. Still, she felt she had an important message to convey.

"Homelands is deceptively simple. It's about the homelands." She started, inspiring a small cheer from the Anaba and Sengir regions of the court, but prompting mutterings elsewhere. "It might not be Ravnica, but we must be thankful we didn't get the all-time low cards of Magic, such as "Sorrow's Path," "North Star," and "Wood Elemental." We are grateful. Feroz and I have fought valiantly for this land that is not obscure, but rather unknown to the busy dominarian people. I strive day in and day out for its perfection, and feel it will soon be cleansed of all black mana." she continued, losing support from the vampires. "Red and blue mana too. And green. White mana is all we need, as it is the vessel that breathes perfection. So I urge you, please take a look at your white homelands cards and start putting them back in your modern libraries." 

Ihsan's Shade took a moment to share some words of reflection with us. "Serra is not capable of promoting a wholesome message without her inner zeal bursting out into mono-white preaching. Does she know there are only twelve white cards in Homelands? The only reason she's trying to gain interest in the homelands is because she's unhappy that she died in such a terrible, all but forgotten set." Serra failed to refute long-standing comparisons to the evil Lord Yawgmoth, who has also owned an artificial plane that was intentionally wiped of all but one color of mana.

The town meeting ended with an An-Havva folk dance.

Thistledown Duo Announces New Tour Dates

LORWYN - New chances have sprung up to catch the zany rockabilly act "Thistledown Duo" in concert, as they announced new show dates following sold out performances at the Ancient Amphitheater and Howltooth Hollow. "We're eager to play at Mosswort Bridge, we've never had the chance. Just as long as the boggarts stay off. Of course, we'll return to Spinerock Knoll for a third time, that always gets a nice draw and it's far away from Nath's  Gilt-Leaf grounds, so there's less of a chance of an unprovoked razing of the area. "

Attendees have cited awesome stage enthusiasm and impressive pyrotechnic effects  as part of the band's draw, ramped up by the anticipated release of their third studio album, entitled "Madblind Mountain Musings," out sometime before the Aurora.

Tragic Poet Doesn't Understand Why She's In This Game

DOMINARIA- Despite prolonged laryngitis and an eye infection, the Tragic Poet came to speak with us today, communicating in written rhyme.

"A mere townsfolk I am, biding my musing

What this game wants with me, I don't understand

Mana and wizards, it's all so confusing

There's not much more of this I can stand."

After receiving criticism for rhyming "understand" with "stand," the poet went on to explain that as she is simply unmagical, there is no reason she should appear in a card game based around spellcasting. She appreciates her low mana cost and has been assured her ability is worthy of competitive play, but she didn't seem to understand, making a derived moaning noise before falling asleep.

Abbey Matron has expressed similar concern.

Hakim Loreweaver Exclusive Interview: Jaya Ballard

Hakim: Pyromancer Jaya Ballard is with us, and she says business is booming! Hello, Jaya, how are you?

Jaya: Kaysa knitted me these tea cozies! Aren't they just precocious?

Hakim: Yes that's wonderful, tell me about the success of your work.

Jaya: I just don't have enough time for all the commissions I've been having lately. I'm exhausted!

Hakim: How do you feel, to have your handiwork appear on over 30 magic: the gathering cards, most of them mono-red?

Jaya: Oh it's great. It's a great way to promote my work. You can see little quotes at the bottom of my cards, to get you interested in my new documentary coming out soon: "Jaya Ballard Comedian: Burning up the Crowd." You can buy it in a package set with Freyalise's recent dating video, "Break the Ice: A Supplicant's Companion."

Hakim: Forest fire prevention activists have taken issue with your technique recently, citing haphazard magework, noted by your famous quotes such as "Who says you shouldn't fight fire with fire? You should fight everything with fire!" and "Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." How do you respond to these concerns?

Jaya: I'm just a nice girl who appreciates a home cooked meal. There's no catastrophic intention in my work, just to eliminate evildoers. 

Hakim: But Jaya, you have in fact caused several forest fires. Can you address that?

Jaya: There was a deer! Did you see it? It was big and had terrifying eyes and the antlers were all... they were horrible.

Hakim: That doesn't sound very environmentally responsible.

Jaya: You could say the same thing about anything.

Hakim: I'm not sure I understand.

Jaya: Wasn't this whole Ice Age caused by a world-dooming event brought about by preventing evil from taking Dominaria in the first place?

Hakim: Yes, but those actions were condemned by the people of the time.

Jaya: That doesn't change the fact that it prevented a Phyrexian Invasion.

Hakim: But you voted in support of Freyalise's "End the Ice Age" campaign, a pivotal point being the destruction of the Shard, which effectively protects us from other planes, Phyrexia included.

Jaya: Actually I wasn't in support of her actions at all. Who needs a fire mage in the summer? Do you have many fire mages in Jamuraa?

Hakim: Well, yes, but they're usually hanged for treason.

Jaya: 

Hakim: Coming up! A game of kick the ouphe!

Hurkyl Announces Recall on All -50 AR Model Dragon Engines

TERISIA- In a decision that will likely affect the already stripped out economy of Dominaria, sorceress Hurkyl has demanded a recall on all Dragon Engines made before -50 AR, citing an 'inherent ethical conflict' resulting in the genocide of thousands who oppose Fallaji leader Mishra. There have already been several reports confirming this defect. Urza of Kroog has announced that his dragon engine will be sent to distant Mercadia, where it will be dismantled and spawn a religion centered around its valuable pieces until they will be retrieved at a later time.

"Those Terisians have been playing the part of bureaucrat from up in their Ivory Towers for far too long. Fortunately we will deal with them soon." Praetor Gix commented. Hurkyl was promptly killed by arrow fire.

Mirari Grants Latest Request, All Humans Turned into Argothian Swine

OTARIA- Citizens of the island continent are still reeling after being transformed into 3/3 Argothian Swine due to an errant wish of Mirari "The Party Starter" 's last owner, a bleach blonde Halberdier. 

"I was just drafting Saga, hoping for a fat green creature to give my card pool that little extra boost, and then before I knew it everyone was on all fours. That sly Mirari is always working up zany outcomes to the most mundane of whimsies. Now everyone is after my blood like it's some big inconvenience. What can I say? My reputation precedes me. So do my tusks." The instigator said. Thousands of dismayed druid lyricists reportedly won't be destroying enchantments anytime soon, whilst dirty wererats everywhere maintained hilarious confusion of identity. 

Krosan hero Kamahl was pleased with his post-post-transformation persona, having found a happy medium of high attack power and trample whilst maintaining his green alignment. "The snout hasn't really hindered me. I still get plenty of ladies." Kamahl said before charging a shrub. 

After centuries of height-related ridicule and exclusion from expanions, the dwarven race was in a decidedly vindicated mood monday morning. "Piggy humans." Balthor the Defiled commiserated, cracking open a bottle of champagne with a loose tooth. The event is being hailed as the most drastic change to Magic's creature base since all elves were replaced with Tribal Rootwalla in a scrapped Time Spiral expansion.