Hakim Loreweaver Exclusive Interview: Jaya Ballard

Hakim: Pyromancer Jaya Ballard is with us, and she says business is booming! Hello, Jaya, how are you?

Jaya: Kaysa knitted me these tea cozies! Aren't they just precocious?

Hakim: Yes that's wonderful, tell me about the success of your work.

Jaya: I just don't have enough time for all the commissions I've been having lately. I'm exhausted!

Hakim: How do you feel, to have your handiwork appear on over 30 magic: the gathering cards, most of them mono-red?

Jaya: Oh it's great. It's a great way to promote my work. You can see little quotes at the bottom of my cards, to get you interested in my new documentary coming out soon: "Jaya Ballard Comedian: Burning up the Crowd." You can buy it in a package set with Freyalise's recent dating video, "Break the Ice: A Supplicant's Companion."

Hakim: Forest fire prevention activists have taken issue with your technique recently, citing haphazard magework, noted by your famous quotes such as "Who says you shouldn't fight fire with fire? You should fight everything with fire!" and "Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." How do you respond to these concerns?

Jaya: I'm just a nice girl who appreciates a home cooked meal. There's no catastrophic intention in my work, just to eliminate evildoers. 

Hakim: But Jaya, you have in fact caused several forest fires. Can you address that?

Jaya: There was a deer! Did you see it? It was big and had terrifying eyes and the antlers were all... they were horrible.

Hakim: That doesn't sound very environmentally responsible.

Jaya: You could say the same thing about anything.

Hakim: I'm not sure I understand.

Jaya: Wasn't this whole Ice Age caused by a world-dooming event brought about by preventing evil from taking Dominaria in the first place?

Hakim: Yes, but those actions were condemned by the people of the time.

Jaya: That doesn't change the fact that it prevented a Phyrexian Invasion.

Hakim: But you voted in support of Freyalise's "End the Ice Age" campaign, a pivotal point being the destruction of the Shard, which effectively protects us from other planes, Phyrexia included.

Jaya: Actually I wasn't in support of her actions at all. Who needs a fire mage in the summer? Do you have many fire mages in Jamuraa?

Hakim: Well, yes, but they're usually hanged for treason.

Jaya: 

Hakim: Coming up! A game of kick the ouphe!